On Audacity
I sometimes joke (but not really joking) that I know how bad things are because I live here. I lovingly refer to the DC-Maryland-Virginia area where I live as the Doom Hole because of its close proximity to... well... Everything.
In spite of Everything, I've found a kind of inner peace through a combination of therapy and a sheer dogged focus on doing the job I swore an oath to do. I'm not the first public servant in my family, but I'm the newest. Three of my aunts were federal employees, but beyond that? As I wrote a little while back in a pointed, pithy, decidedly pissy letter to Senator Van Hollen, my family has been living in and serving this country since before the Revolution. (My family has a documented history of annoying Russia that goes back a little bit longer, but that's neither here nor there.) My identity as the latest in a long chain of stoic Bohemians sworn to public service has helped me find a calm that I can return to when things get rocky.
So, even though I was stuck in traffic on 295 yesterday afternoon, I was happy enough for to pop open the moon roof on my car for some fresh air and sun and to engage in a rusty but enthusiastic singalong to girly feelings music while inching on at approximately .25mph.
A bit of local trivia that I learned recently: Did you know that the Baltimore-Washington Parkway is maintained by the National Park Service? It's why all of the road signs are brown instead of the usual green. But I digress.
Inner peace is lovely, as is the ability to find joy where I can. However, the radiance of the day was later tainted by the audacity of a man. It was like going for a stroll on a gorgeous day and then catching a whiff of a trash can that's been ripening in the sun for several hours.
I won't linger on this particular audacity except to say that it was an unsolicited, digital holler in my Bluesky inbox. But these kinds of things bug me to no end, especially since nowhere on my socials do I say that I'm looking to be hollered at, and certainly not by a cis straight dude.
Related, a genuinely well-intentioned platonic dude friend asked me about the "man or bear?" question, and he posited that it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. The rage static started hissing in my ears even as I tried to answer what actually was an attempt by a cis straight dude to understand a feminist issue. But it wasn't the question that bothered me, as I realized in that moment - it was the notion that this matter was, to him, solely academic.
I was raised in a very strict religious household. Even when we were on break from regular church-going, it was very clear that in the societal hierarchy, I was subordinate and that my privacy and autonomy did not matter and never would. This was one reason why I left the church and why I am at odds with most of my family. I am bound and determined to be my own person, even if that person is not socially acceptable, and my fight for my autonomy has cost me a fair amount of social currency.
One thing that was brought up in this "academic debate" was that it takes bravery for men to approach women. I would counter that it's not always bravery, but almost certainly audacity. In its contemporary context, audacity implies a flouting of established social boundaries, whether those boundaries are legitimate or not. Urban Dictionary (yes, I went there) even goes so far as to define audacity variously as bitchiness, having the nerve, or bold/arrogant disregard for normal restraints.
It isn't brave to hit on someone who is just trying to go about their business. It isn't brave to demand their attention when they'd rather scroll the internet in peace. It's audacity, and I'm honestly past tired of it. I've even gotten to the point where another guy friend asked me, "Hey, can I give you some unsolicited advice?" regarding an inconsequential topic and I calmly, sweetly, smilingly, replied, "No."
In this case, I'd already established that if I want advice, I'll ask for it. And still, he went there.
Audacity. So, I don't feel so bad about swiping back, however genteelly.
